Fan 2, Idiots 0

A couple of years ago I went to help my friend install a new ceiling fan in his house (he was remodeling before they actually moved in). Allow me to set the stage somewhat...

- My dad is disabled and wasn't able to show me how to work on anything, so all my building/mechanical skill comes from reading directions, trial, and error. I can change my oil in my car, change belts, and change tires. I can also put together complete home gyms and such. Not much else beyond that. I absolutely abhore yardwork, but I know how to install sprinkler systems (hell, I helped installed a small city's entire water system - not a lie). I'm not electrically inclined, but I know enough that red goes to red, black goes to black, green goes to ground, and blue goes to I have no idea.

- My friend likes power tools. A lot. And likes to use them whenever he can. He acts similar to Tim the Toolman Taylor, but he has maybe 1/3rd the know-how. So combine mechanical power with ignorance, and...yeah.

So anyway, we go to install this fan. He takes is Ryobi power drill and some screws and starts going to town. I look at the directions, then look up at what he's doing; I immediately see that there's *no* way we're going to be able to install this fan. He doesn't have the installation box installed to the frame, instead electing to try to mount the fan straight to the drywall/ceiling. I try to tell him this won't work. He drills another hole so as to say, "This just worked." I think about trying to explain to him that a 15-20 pound fan won't stay secured to dry wall by two screws, but instead I just climb the ladder and drill a hole - may as well join in the fun, right? Then he goes to start working with the electrical connections, and I notice the switch is still on.

"Joe, you turn off the circuit?"

"No. Switch is off."

"Joe, don't touch that wire."

"Why? The switch is off."

"Uh, the other switch is on."

A few watts and a tingling sensation in his fingertips later, we turned off the circuit.

And the fan didn't stay up (duh).

Fan 1, Idiots 0.

So yesterday he moved out of the house he spent three months remodeling and lived in for a little over a year to a different house on four days' notice. One of the new tasks was none other than installing a ceiling fan. By this time he's seen his father-in-law - a *highly* industrially-inclined individual - install a few ceiling fans and figures he knows what he's doing now. And for some reason I figure he knows what he's doing now, too. Turns out I'm right. This time we turn off the circuit, he matches the wires right, installs into the right area...things go well. Until we notice that the mouting plate is mangled. The welded one mounting bolt at an angle so we have to bang that over with a hammer. Not a problem. They melted a second mounting bold so the tip is 1/8th inch to wide and stripped/warped. Problem. We tried to install it anyway, figuring two bolts might be enough. We figured wrong. Fan blades scraped. Project blown, time wasted. Fan wins again.

Fan 2, Idiots 0.

I'm gonna destroy the next ceiling fan I see that isn't attached to a ceiling.