A case for broadened drug testing by the IOC

Clearly performance-enhancing drugs, HGH, and other blood-doping substances have tainted the national and international sports scenes. From Rafael Palmeiro, Mark McGuire, Jose Canseco, and Bonds (don't even try to tell me he didn't juice) to East German lady swimmers testing positive for "male," Bode Miller's stoned and hungover downhill runs, the USA and Canadian track team scandals...the list goes on. The IOC has done a fair job of testing as rigorously as reasonably possible to clean the assorted sports and games, but I contest that their scope isn't yet as wide as necessary. As evidence, I present the following pictures...



What part of "Dude, you should light your back and head on fire and go skate around out there with a space helmet!" sounds like a good idea? Note: the creators of this costume appear to be fans of Spiderman; it smacks of the Green Goblin. But red.



Apparently this fellow needed a fix bad enough to dress up like a cow. In this frame he's having second thoughts...


...but, alas, his dependency takes hold of him.

Although you can't tell very clearly from this picture, they put men in the trees and made them dance around. Clearly this scene was evoked by a similar LSD-induced episode out in the forest...dancing trees with dancing cows...


I haven't the words...


Acid-tripping during a biology video, me thinks...


Okay, now this looks like somethign I killed in a video game last night. Or a circa 1980's punk rocker, sans the black vest.


They even go so far as to showcase the Swiss weed-smoking team! Biggest bongs I've ever seen. Note the man on the left is holding it in for effect, while the man on the right is ready for another hit. Can I get a "Reeecolaaaaa", anybody?

This is an outrage! Contact your local Olympic delegation official today and demand drug testing for the opening ceremonies! And if that doesn't work, take it straight to the IOC. I hear bribes work well (case in point - 2002 Winter Olympics landing in Salt Lake City). If you send cash, though, be sure to include a note saying them's for spendin' , not for smokin'.