Business Vocabulary for 2k6

Normally I simply abhore forwarded emails, and I can count on my fingers the number of times I've actually deemed a forward forward-worthy and continued on the chain. This is one of those emails. For those of you that work in a cube-farm office building or the financial services industry, you'll definitely understand.

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!!!

1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER : A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise,
craps on everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS : The process by which some people seem to absorb success
and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

4. SALMON DAY : The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a
cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going
on.

7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch
potato.

8. SITCOMs : Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What
Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working
to stay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY : A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.

10. SWIPEOUT : An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY : Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
workplace.

12. IRRITAINMENT : Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying
but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben
wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another...

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE : The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just
above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are
often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve.

15. 404 : Someone who's clueless. >From the World Wide Web error Message
"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the
same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and
subdivisions.

17. OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize
that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an
e-mail by mistake)

18. WOOFS : Well-Off Older Folks.